The only reason I laugh at you is because I've been there with my own babies. Eventually, there is a possibility he'd tell you that you're not a real parent or "not my mom". My little girl did it. My answer was to keep my face from breaking, reminding her that I was still in charge and an authority figure, and cried about it later. Once she calmed down, we had a talk about hurting people's feelings. I have never, however, gotten it from my boy. So I think it's a personality thing. BUT both of those kids treat me like a second mother and I treat them as I would my own. My heart sister said to me once that it might not hurt the child as much as you think it will to not have his father around if there's enough love and I think that there will be. (He'll still ask questions, but it might not be as much of a devastating event as you're worried about)

I will be here to help you remember that you're a better choice for Z, not a worse one. I plan on living for a bit and I'm stubborn so let's see how long it takes you and I to help you accept it's not your fault. :) One day at a time for now.

YAY CHANGE! Focus on the change and the love and baby. And remember, just one day at a time. You can do it!