Two weeks ago, I received an e-mail from my last temp agency. ( I wasn't sure what to make of it. )
I finally made a decision. And I decided I wanted to be happy.
I called them at the end of my lunch hour Friday. It took fifteen minutes: she pretty much confirmed that all my information on file was still valid, I had worked there before but there was nothing preventing me from returning, and the only thing they needed from me was a copy of my IDs. I was technically being hired as a backup for second shift in case someone didn't show up for orientation, but it was a good chance I'd be in. It turned out the reason I had trouble recognizing/finding their phone number was because it was actually from the agency's regional office, which happens to be in Arizona. I just needed to e-mail my IDs and confirm I'd be at the next morning's orientation. I called my work to tell them I was having car trouble and wouldn't be returning from lunch, because I needed to get these things taken care of today. (Ironically, the car did start smoking. She hates stoplights in summer.)
It felt like a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders at that point. Because it was done. I decided that my happiness was more important to me than my paycheck, and it was the right decision. I could feel it.( And then the Saturday Orientation happened. )
Well, there are a lot of emotions for me right now.
. I'm I-want-someone-fucking-fired-for-this-
bullshit pissed. I confirmed over the phone that I was previously employed; I confirmed twice
in the orientation that I was previously employed. People are being fired for shit like pulling up personal information on company computers, and you're telling me that the only reason I can't come back is because I didn't rank high enough? That you shouldn't have wasted my time, gotten my hopes up, and made me lose out on four hours of pay because oops you shouldn't have fucking contacted me in the first place? FUCK YOU.
I'm hurt. Heartbroken, really. Because I got my hopes up that I could go back to the company I adored, and the job I enjoyed, and all the friends there that I miss. I decided that being there was more important to me than making more money, only to be told I can't because I'm not good enough to work there. I was excited
about work again. I was planning to work on my game this weekend, and figuring out all the things I'd need to do and be ready for on my first day of training. And now I'm not. Because I'm just not good enough.
I've been trying to fight off depression by being logical. I still have a job. I can keep looking for another position within the company, and hope that something comes up. I can keep looking for work elsewhere. I'm not out on my ass again, like I was before. It just means that everything is the same as it was last week.
But logic isn't as helpful as we'd like it to be when all you want to do is scream and rage and cry because everything is wrong and isn't getting better after all.P.S. To everyone who posted for PR Day, THANK YOU! So many lovely stories! ♥ I will get to reading and commenting soon. I just ... need some time first.